Tuesday, November 16, 2004
| Talk About a FoPAH!
First of all, I don’t even know how to spell Fopah, but you get the point. Second of all, sometimes I say things that are so completely wrong and inappropriate that I deal with the guilt for DAYS and days. As a rule, I am a very up-front and honest person when it comes to things that come out of my mouth. Usually I hold no bars. I have no intention of offending anyone, but if asked my opinion, I give it. Also, my humor (as my readers know) tends to be pretty raw and unusual. I think I’m funny, so why wouldn’t anyone? Often I think that if I’m as raw as possible, people will double over in laughter. Well, sometimes that’s the case. Other times… I was at a party on Friday night for my friend Jason that I don’t know very well. Since I never go anywhere without a best friend in tow, I grabbed my bestie, Angie, and we went to Jay’s apartment in Tribeca. For the first hour, I spent all of my time talking to Angie and Jason. The event was in honor of Jason’s birthday so he had a lot of people there that I’ve never met before. I didn’t think that any of the people at the party were particularly nice to me, so I was a bit uncomfortable and continued to down as many drinks as I could. Eventually, Angie and I made our way into the group of people and rested uncomfortably among them. Somewhere in the middle of the conversations that were going on, I got drunk and heard Helen Keller jokes being made. Now, that’s so base and lame and totally uncreative. So guess what I shout out in the middle of the group? “You’re all a bunch of ignorant niggers!” SCREECH OF A RECORD PLAYER CAN BE HEARD IN THE ROOM. I look over at Angie and her jaw is on the floor. I look around the room and see 15 pairs of wide eyes staring at me in disbelief. WHY. Why did I say that?? What would possess me to say something so fucking stupid?????? I laugh it off and the group returns to talking about Helen Keller. (So it’s ok to make fun of the deaf and blind, but it’s not ok to say the word “nigger”?) (Yeah…I guess not.) Eventually Angie and I get up and smoke a joint by the window. Jason joins us and I tell him what happened as he was out of the room at the time. This is how our conversation went: Me: “Jason, you’re never going to believe what I said! I told everyone that they were a bunch of niggers!” Jason: (gasps) “What? Why?!” Me: “I don’t know. It just came out and now I feel like a complete racist.” Jason: “Well, that’s not a word we use in our group. It’s never really appropriate to say that.” Me: “I know that! I don’t know what came over me! I feel like a huge scumbag.” Jason: “Don’t worry about it. No one is acting like they notice. Just let it go.” Me: “But you’re a nigger Jason. A huge one.” Jason: “Why did you say it again?!” Me: “Cuz I thought it would eventually become funny if I just kept saying it.” Jason: (laughs) “Well, it’s funny. Now let’s stop.” Me: “Nigger lover”. Angie: (hysterically laughing) “Joe! STOP! NOW!” Me: “Nigger”. Angie: “STOP!” ME: “NIGGER!” Shortly after that we left the party. Oh man. When I woke up on Saturday morning, I lay in bed and thought about the fun parts of the night before. Then it hit me. Every single uncomfortable moment came flooding back and a pit developed in my stomach. HOW COULD I?!?!?!? I’m such a fucking idiot. In any case, it’s now Tuesday and the story has become classic amongst my group of friends. I don’t feel as bad now, but I definitely have learned a lesson. At 27 years old, the word “nigger” is no longer funny. No matter what the context. That is, unless I’m hanging out with my best friends. In that case…EVERYTHING IS UP FOR GRABS. Oh Joe… |
